Watson buys a digital clock radio

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The clock radio went off at 5:57 am precisely. Watson, always the military man in bearing and habit, stared at the ceiling until 6 am, when the Today program came on. Holmes, as was his wont, did not acknowledge that anything had happened at all. The news was the usual mix of scandals involving Cabinet ministers, wars, famine, natural disasters, and complaints. The welcome relief of the weather report washed over Watson has he prepared to arise and face another day. He sat up and reached over to switch off the radio. He pressed the switch. Nothing happened: John Humphrys continued to blithely interview a journalist. Watson was surprised and stabbed repeatedly at the switch. Nothing still.

Resignedly, Watson switched off the alarm itself and said, "Time to buy a new clock radio." Holmes grunted and turned over.

Once he'd prepared for the day and had moved a hearty English breakfast from the table to his interior, Watson set off for the local electronics store and resolved to buy the newest digital audio broadcast clock radio he could. After all, FM radios were difficult to tune and keep tuned, and the broadcast quality varied. DAB was the newest and best development: a set of radio stations broadcast in a digital signal with no interference and no drifting as Watson moved about the bedroom dressing.

There was only one clock radio available: the other model had been sold out for weeks and no supply was forthcoming until after Christmas. The radio looked smart, with the usual complement of buttons on the top and clock on the front. The screen was LCD and backlit. Watson thought, "Good show! This one will be easy to see in the darkened bedroom." He paid the server and brought the Roberts Gemini 9 DAB clock radio home to show Holmes.

When he returned, Holmes was languidly throwing his dagger at the mantelpiece. He'd arisen long after Watson had left and, from the looks of the breakfast table, had dined on a 7% solution rather than bacon and eggs. He looked up and broke into a smile as Watson bustled in with his parcel. "Good morning, Watson," he said, "I can always count on you to be up and about when something is afoot. What have you brought us?"

Watson unwrapped the parcel and delivered the radio from its box to stand proudly on the table. He said, "I've brought us a new clock radio to replace the one that failed so miserably to turn off this morning."

Holmes examined it with great care and asked, "Watson, you know my methods. What can you deduce about the designer of this clock radio from the object that stands before us?"

Watson smiled and proudly picked up the radio, turning it this way and that. After about a minute he placed the radio back on the table and announced, "Holmes, the designer of this radio is obviously well versed in the latest design theories and practice. He must be a graduate of some prestigious design school of the Far East. He has used buttons to good effect, since there are no troublesome thumbwheels to drift from their settings. He is thus practical, as well as learned." Watson considered the clock, his head cocked sideways, "He is a master of aesthetics as well as practicalities. As he realises that not every bedroom is graced by a telescoping antenna, he's helpfully provided a short, unobtrusive, wire antenna and a spanner with which to install it in place of the possibly incongruous telescoping antenna."

Holmes broke into a little tuneless whistle at this, and kept it up for a few moments before asking Watson, "Is there anything else you can deduce from looking at this set?" Watson puffed out his chest and stated, "I think I've covered all the important points." Holmes's eyes were merry as he listened to Watson. "My dear fellow, let's install this radio set in our bedroom and see how well it replaces the previous one. Tomorrow I shall forego artificial stimulation for a real morning meal, and give you my observations." Watson cried, "Marvellous, my dear Holmes! Anything that can tempt you to a real breakfast rather than that horrific concoction you inject must be a wonderful thing indeed!" Watson set up the radio set on his nightstand, and ensured it contained Radio 4 in its presets. He muttered a bit while setting the alarm, but managed it first go. He retired early, and was gently snoring when Holmes joined him in the early hours.

At the breakfast table the next morning, the bacon and eggs glistened fatly in their dishes, and the toast and coffee, which was freshly ground and brewed, wafted a delicious odour to their noses. However, looking at Watson's dark face and Holmes jovial features, one might be tempted to think that Watson would benefit more from a cocaine injection than Holmes ever did. Mrs. Hudson, ever tactful, served them and withdrew.

Watson broke the silence and said, "Well, Holmes, what have you deduced from this radio set?" Holmes swallowed a mouthful of coffee and said, "Watson, you were undoubtedly correct in all your assertions yesterday. However, as is often the case, you saw everything, yet observed nothing." Watson half rose from his chair, but sat down with a thump. "After this morning, I'm afraid I agree with you." he said.

Holmes sat back and crossed his long legs. "When I saw the box, as well as the radio, I immediately observed that the display was only about 1 and a half centimetres high. The figures were quite fat. I immediately knew that the designers of this radio had perfect vision, since no one who wore spectacles during the day could possibly see the display during the night without bringing his face to within 10 centimetres of the clock." Watson drew in his breath and whispered, "Amazing, Holmes. Do go on."

Holmes smiled, "I also am certain that the designer of this radio is himself a very successful businessman. He obviously has many servants, the duties of one being to wake him in the morning through drawing back the curtains to let the light gently wake him." Watson started from his seat. "How the devil do you know that, Holmes! I do believe you're the devil incarnate!"

Holmes took out his post-breakfast pipe and began to pack it with tobacco. His long busy fingers working, he looked up and grinned, "You know my methods. Considering the way in which the alarm clock behaved this morning, could the person who designed it have ever been awoken by one?"

Watson smiled. "I believe you're right, Holmes. When the radio began playing at 5:57 am, I thought, 'Wonderful. It actually does work.' Of course, when the radio shut off at 6:00 precisely I was quite taken aback. I missed the news reports about the new setbacks for the Government minister who had come to see us about that little spot of bother last week. I had to turn the radio back on by hand and by that time the newsreader had moved on to the falling United States dollar."

Holmes said, "Only a person who had never been awoken by a radio broadcast would design such a set where, when the radio goes on at the preappointed time, it plays for 3 minutes only and then shuts off. Many of us, resigned to morning indolence and the comforts of a warm bed and companion after a cold night, leave the radio on until such time as the presses of our daily affairs force us to face the day, and then shut it off through pressing a button on the top of the radio. This designer, however, not being accustomed to awakening to the Today show, feels that 3 minutes of radio is enough for the likes of us and sees no reason to allow us to shut the radio off when we please. He has chosen 3 minutes, and 3 minutes it shall be."

Watson said, "You are truly a genius, Holmes. I bow to your intellect." Holmes retorted, "But there's a bit more, Watson. Tell me about the process of setting up the radio last night."

Watson said, "I was most provoked, Holmes. I opened the manual and one of the buttons on the front was said to be the 'Standby' button. I looked for it in vain. I did find an 'On/Off' button which seemed to be the correct one, but I wasted a few minutes in speculation before I caught on."

"The radio worked just as the manual said. However, while tuning, I discovered that the method given for setting the preset buttons lacked a crucial instruction: when tuning the radio, through pressing the Tuning button repeatedly, one must press the 'Select' button to actually cause the station to play. Then you must press and hold the correct preset button until the display shows that the preset has come into effect. When I omitted selecting the station, I managed to set all 5 presets to Radio 4, even though the display indicated otherwise."

Holmes smiled, "Always the man of direct action, my Watson. Did anything else provoke you?" Watson laughed and said, "Normally on a clock radio the clock and alarm time are set through buttons. On a radio such as this with a surfeit of buttons I expected several to do with setting the clock and alarm, but nothing. After studying the manual, I discovered that the radio stations themselves set the clock. This is good design. However, to set the alarm time, one must push 'Info' several times, then set the minutes, push 'Info' again, set the hours, and then yet again push 'Info'. Most provoking and very unintuitive."

Holmes said, "So my final observation about this designer is that he is a man of regular habits, sober and upright. He obviously arises at the same time each day, and assumes that the person using his clock radio will do the same. The fact that, on a weekend, you arise precisely one hour later than on a weekday, is not something that he admits to be possible or prudent. He wants to ensure that we wake up at the same time each day, and has made the alarm difficult to reset deliberately to enforce this. Any kudos that he gets for ensuring that one can move the minutes and hours backward as well as forward are irrevocably lost when he makes it so obscure and difficult to get to the point of being able to reset the alarm time at all."

Watson looked at Holmes and said, "You know, old chap, there is an alternative explanation that fits all the facts as you've stated them." "Well, Watson, out with it at once!" said Holmes a bit curtly.

"My theory is that the designer was faced with the task of converting a radio into a clock radio in order to catch the Christmas trade. In order to do this, he thought that adding a clock and an alarm to a radio would fill the bill with little or no need to change the characteristics of either the clock, the alarm, or the radio. Rather than being a gentleman who is used to luxury, he is just a careless young man in his first design job. He has a lot to learn." Watson finished and waited for Holmes's reaction.

Holmes laughed and replied, "Goodness, Watson, I do believe you've outdone both yourself and me this time. You are certainly nearer the truth than I am, and I doff my hat to you." and suited the action to the words, although his head was bare. "I trust that you will be buying a different clock radio after returning this one." Watson packed up the radio and set off for the radio store as Holmes picked up his violin and scraped away at some unknown and unknowable ditty.

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